Friday, September 18, 2015

Trying to Be Strong and Have Courage...

Today, I was really missing the sound of Paul's voice. I was just missing him. As I watched a video of him today, it felt strange. The longer time passes the less I remember his voice--even his presence in general. That scares me. I don't ever want to forget him...sometimes it all just seems like a dream that turned into a bad times my heart literally aches to see him, to touch him, to hear his voice. I crave him.
I still wait to hear him drive up from work. It is still hard to know that he is not coming home. Ever.
I am sick today.  I feel like I am coughing up a lung. I am one of those lucky ones who always gets bronchitis or pneumonia from a common cold.  Such is life.

It is hard to not have someone to care for you when you are sick or at the very least take care of the kids.  When I am sick it triggers longing. I long to have him here to stroke my hair and just let me know he cares.  As the kids scream at me asking me what's for dinner...I realize how hard this is...I just don't have the energy...he could help me with the girls.  He could go with the kids to the soccer game tomorrow morning.  He could bring me soup in bed and just sit by my side and talk to me.  Heck, I don't even need the soup...I just need him.  

Sometimes you just don't know how you can do it all...

Then you pray with all you have that God will help you to endure this burden.  You simply pray for strength and courage to make it through another day.  And you do.  Somehow.  Someway.  God helps you through it.  

We were blessed to get video footage of Paul before he passed away on Feb. 25, 2013 from stomach cancer. This video helps us to remember him and that it was as hard on him to leave us as it was for us to have him leave. Oh how I miss this amazing man!
I have posted this video on a previous blog post, but figured I'd post it here since I referenced it in this post. These are video clips of Paul taken in Dec. 2009....then taken Feb. 13, 2013 & Feb. 21, 2013.