In the past three years I lost my
mom, then my husband, and just recently my dad to death. It has been a very painful process to say the
least. I have felt my heart shatter and
have, at times, wondered if I could do this.
Yes, I miss my parents. It is a different kind of missing and longing
than my husband. At one time in my life my parents were the ones who helped me
and provided the things I needed. But
then, I got married. My husband became
my North Star—the one constant who guided my path and kept me on course. He
fulfilled all my needs. I am currently
working on developing a deeper relationship with God so that He is my North
Star…but that is for a different discussion.
I have missed the companionship
of my husband so deeply. I miss him
holding my hand; playing with my hair; the conversations; the reassuring love;
the compliments; my best friend.
I have been on my knees praying
more times than I can count. I have
cried out to God letting Him know that I hurt and I don’t want to feel this emotional
pain anymore. I have asked Him for
help. I have let God know that I am
angry because I feel like He is not listening to me…
And then the other day, after a
conversation with a friend I had an “aha” moment. I realized that God has been answering me. He
has answered my prayers through a sweet little 5-year-old child in the Sunday
School class I teach. Last Sunday she
sat by me and played with my hair. It
felt so amazing to have someone just play with my hair like my husband used to
do.
God has answered my prayers
through my daughter. Each night she
comes and lays by me on my bed and asks to hold my hand. I love holding her sweet little hand. It brings me comfort and peace. He has also answered my prayers through
friends that encourage me, listen to me and offer support.
Yes, God has been answering me
and trying to share beautiful gifts with me, only I did not see it.
Do you ever tell your kids to get
something only to have them tell you they can't find it? Then you go and look for it and it was
sitting right in front of their face the whole time. Why is that?
Why didn't they see it?
Sometimes in life God is trying
to give us something beautiful...only we don't see it. We are too busy looking everywhere, but right
in front of our face. Maybe we are looking back at what we once had. Maybe we are looking over at each side of us
to see what is happening around us—wondering if there is something better that
might come along. Maybe we are looking down at the things we did wrong. Maybe
we are too busy holding on to grief or regrets.
Or maybe he is trying to give us
a beautiful gift…only we don’t get past the wrapping to see what is
inside…because it doesn’t look like we thought it should or would. If we take time to unwrap it…we will find the
gift He is trying to share with us.
In my case, I think I didn’t open
the gifts He was trying to give me because…let’s be honest here… subconsciously
I wanted my husband back. (Yeah, I know an unrealistic expectation!) And in my
mind, anything less was not an answer to my prayer.
Whatever the case may be, I imagine God is often
shaking his head. But, He patiently
waits and continues to guide us. He
knows what He has to offer us and He is trying to lead us to it. Trust Him.
Do I feel the completeness I felt with my husband
because of the gifts I now recognize?
Honestly, no. I still hurt and I still miss him. But I do feel an added
strength. I feel better. Stronger. I see that God’s gifts help us and it is
those gifts He gives us along the way that help us to survive.
I do believe the more we recognize the gifts God is
sharing with us, the more we receive. The
first step is recognizing the gifts and then showing gratitude. There is power in gratitude. I have seen it
improve my life and the lives of my children.
I also believe a time will come when all will be made
right and I will feel the completeness I once felt. And the same goes for you.
We have to believe that God will make it right—because He will. It takes patience, trust, and a whole lot of
faith and hope! We’ve got this!
Questions to ponder:
Is God trying to give you something beautiful and you
just don’t see it?
How do you learn to recognize the gifts God is giving
you?
What gifts are you grateful for?
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